"Ms. Fatma, why are you not strict with the children?", asked the parent.

According to Merriam Webster's dictionary, the term "strict" means the following:

a :inflexibly maintained or adhered to 

b :rigorously conforming to principle or a norm or condition

I've been having a lot of questions in regards to behavior control, the answer is clear and simple: I believe in developing a mutual bond of respect and trust between myself and every child in the class. If these 2 were there, anything in the world is possible. 

When dealing with children, we see ALL types of characters, personalities, traits, habits, and reactions. There is no secret recipe to dealing with children and adapting to their different characters and traits; However, one thing I found magical in their development process, is the teaching of "respect". And by that, I do not mean lecturing them everyday on how to respect mommy, and how to be respectful to the teachers by listening to them. Teaching something comes at it's best when you "model" it to the children. Show it to them, and let them witness it within your actions. You can never expect children to speak in low voices for example, when you shout at them. You need to model it first in order for them to pick it up. 

As an early childhood teacher and educator, I see parents and guardians mixing up between being 'strict' and being 'harsh' all the time. We're always strict when it comes to the children's safety and following a certain rule for their own goodness for example...but we're still kind to them (even at the peak of strictness). 

Children are people -like you and me- they have their own feelings and they get their own vibes and energies from people/things surrounding them. They deserve respect, patience, and tolerance just like we give adults. If they feel for a moment that they are not respected -in any way and on any level- problems start to evolve, and if they didn't show now, they will later.

According to The American Mental Health Association, there are three styles of parenting. Think about which is yours?

First: An authoritative parent has clear expectations and consequences and is affectionate toward his or her child. The authoritative parent allows for flexibility and collaborative problem solving with the child when dealing with behavioral challenges. This is the most effective form of parenting.

Second: An authoritarian parent has clear expectations and consequences, but shows little affection toward his or her child. The parent may say things like, "because I'm the Mommy, that's why." This is a less effective form of parenting.

Third: A permissive parent shows lots of affection toward his or her child but provides little discipline. This is a less effective form of parenting.

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What is discipline?

Discipline is the process teaching a child what is okay and what is not okay. This is when we teach the children the rules and evolving methods for them to adapt it.

How do we maintain discipline? 

1. Be respectful to the child: Again and again and again! If you show respect to the child since an early age, your child will most likely be respectful to you, to his friends and family, to his things...and to people in his/her life as they grow up. Remember that it is OKAY to apologize if you overreact, or if you "lose it" with your child. 

2. Communicate with your child: Children should not be surprised with new plans/ideas/techniques/rules...etc. Communicate why a certain rule is there, and do not underestimate the child's ability to understand. What we tell our children becomes the voice inside their head later on.

3. Be consistent: A rule is a rule, even in public. If we make an exception once, then it is not a rule anymore. However, we can always talk about adjustments in certain situations and agree together on something. But if we cater for the child's request in public just because he/she threw a tantrum, trust me the tantrums will continue probably forever but with different levels.

4. Go down to their level: Imagine a person double or triple your size talking to you (or probably shouting at you), and you're looking up to this HUGE and TALL person. It sounds scary right? When talking to/addressing a child, sit on your knees, or sit beside them. It makes the child feel more safe, and can relate more to what you're saying. Do not expect the child to go up to your level, you should rather go down to theirs. 

4. Move on:  You both agree on something, and the child abides by the rules and goes through the consequences, when it's done: DON'T GO BACK TO IT! Don't continue to lecture the child on what he/she did wrong, and don't keep on asking for more apologies. When it's done, it's done!

Always remember this: what we do to/with our children, becomes a reflection of their personalities in the future. And what we say to them, becomes the voices inside their heads.